Communication

Why is it such a strain?

 Wouldn't it be amazing if we didn't have to pull words out of thin air to explain how we feel?  One of my least favorite questions is "What are you thinking?" because I'm only ever able to answer it when I've been extremely bored or when I'm actively trying to figure something out. I don't know.  I know I'm not much of a words person (so why am I writing about this on a blog?) and it's just hard for me to know what words to use to explain even the simplest of sensations.

How do I answer the morning ritual of "Hey, how's it goin?" with everyone I meet at work? Despite my aversion to automatic responses, I feel like the only way to respond is with a "Pretty good, how 'bout yourself?".

"Hey Heather, how's it goin? Mornin' Thor, how you doin'? Hi Clay, how are you today? Pretty Good! Not bad! Good..."

Yes, I care. I like knowing that Sharon's back is hurting less than yesterday, and I love the fact that everyone greets everyone, but the actual words we use are so meaningless.

Good.
That one always catches me on an invisible fish hook. I can never accept that response without wondering what they're hiding behind that "Good".  She says she's good. And goes on with her day listening to NPR and internally raves about the shitty state of society. Automatic greetings are like plastic.   I just wish there was a morning greeting that was more like the simplicity and purity of life at 6 in the morning in your mummybag on the river, watching the sun creep down the cliff walls and waiting to feel it's warmth on your skin. Instead of "good" can I please have a one-word response that encompasses that?

On a less frustrating facet of communication, sometimes a glimmering letter will arrive in your mailbox (the physical one on the sidewalk) and present a little gem of communication. To hold a piece of paper, textured with intentions however simplistic is so rewarding.

When I write a letter to someone, it's for that someone and could not be interchanged with another letter as a "not bad" could be exchanged with a "pretty good". I imagine the recipient opening their PO box to find a bright green envelope with their name in large gold calligraphy letters. I imagine their face, the excitement shooting through their fingertips as they cling to the self-importance given to them in that textured paper's intent.

It's so worth it.